bawk bawk bawk

There are two things on this planet with which I am obsessed:  Chicken, and my Crock Pot.  Seriously folks, the crock pot is the lazy girl's BEST FRIEND EVAR.  How awesome is it to just throw shit in there, turn it on, and come back like four hours later to dinner?

I've been on quite the crock pot bender lately, and so I'll be sharing some of the recipes.  However, most of the time?  My crock pot happenings are because I get up and say "oh shit we need dinner, what do I have?".  Then, I open the cupboard and cuss some more.

Here's what we did yesterday.  I'm here to tell you that it was AMAZING.  And it was so easy!

I bought four leg/thigh pieces and a big bone-in breast (my husband's a boob man, what can I say) at Mosley's.  I washed them, patted them dry, and smeared a bit of butter on them, y'all.  I shook some Italian seasoning on them (oregano and the Scarborough Fair mix*), and laid the first three leg/thigh pieces meaty side down.  Then, I smooshed three cloves of garlic and cut up 1/4 of a medium-sized onion (enough to put two or thee slices on each piece of chicken).  Threw that in there, and then did the same thing with the remaining leg/thigh piece and the breast, only I layered those meat side up.  I dotted the top of those pieces with a bit of butter too, y'all.  Here's what it looked like when I was ready to put the lid on:

I then let it do its thang for about 6 hours on high.  I stabbed the meatiest part of the breast with my meat thermometer (poultry should be about 180 degrees when done), and then pulled the meat out of there.  This proved to be a challenge, because it was so well-cooked that it fell apart.

I took the drippings that were in the bottom of the crock, and made a quick gravy with them.  Here's how I make my gravy with no lumps:

Take out the drippings, and put them in a pyrex (clear glass) measure.  You're going for a total of 2 cups of liquid (drippings and milk here), so it's kind of important to know how much drippings you have to work with.  Measure out the remainder of the 2 cups' worth in milk, but DO NOT COMBINE THEM.

Throw 2 tablespoons-ish of the drippings into the bottom of a saucepan.  Turn the heat on medium-high (I use the "7" setting on my electric stove).  Have a wire whisk handy (I like a lightweight flexible one for this task).  Get some basic all-purpose flour, and sprinkle it on top of the drippings.  Quickly whisk the flour in.  This makes a roux.  Let it brown up a bit - not too dark, or it'll get weird-tasting.  Once that happens, dump in your drippings.  Whisk the hell out of it to make sure there are no lumps.  Get that warmed up, and then dump in enough milk to make a total of 2 cups of liquid.  Heat that up to a simmer, stirring almost constantly. You'll see that it thickens up nicely as it cooks down, about 10 minutes.  If you've been cooking it for a while and it's still pretty runny, add a bit more flour.  Just sprinkle it on top of the liquid, and whisk it in like it's your job.  

Got lumps?  No worries.  I highly recommend that you invest in a set of mesh strainers.  I bought this set of three for $10 from Bed Bath and Beyond, and I can't tell you how many times I've used them. If you get lumps?  Simply strain the gravy through one of those little puppies and TA DAH!  No more lumps.

I served my chicken and gravy with some mashed potatoes.  And my family was pretty happy.  I think that next time, I'll use boneless chicken ... it was a royal pain in the ass to pull the meat off the bones, so I might just pay the extra 20 cents a pound and let someone else do it for me.  They gave this meal a rating of "four cocks out of five", because of the creepy de-boning process.

* the Scarborough Fair mix = Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme.

i'm just one short of "crazy cat lady".

I love my pets.  In our house, we have the following menagerie:

1 dog.  Coco is a Yorkie-Bichon mix and he's just about the cutest thing going.  That's his little face on the blog's header.

3 cats.  Sammie wandered in our house two days before Panda and I went off to Jamaica and got married ... we think that her former family moved and dumped her.  She was living on bugs and rain water.  Max is adopted from the Logan County Humane Society, and he charmed me with his purrs and kitty-flops on my birthday (April 4) of 2009.  Dooney charmed Panda with his super-lovey routine and we brought him home from the LCHS too.

2 snakes.  Baby Panda (my 10 year old daughter) has an albino corn snake.  It's a lot like her ... little, fast, brightly colored, and demands attention.  Panda Jr. (my almost 13 year old step-soon-to-be-adopted daughter) has a ball python.  She's pretty shy, just like her owner.

1 praying mantis.  We had a different one, but Coco decided to knock the cage down and eat it.  No, I'm not kidding.

So yeah, we have a bit of a zoo around here.  And so it greatly upset me when I heard about this:

 

We had the Canyon Creek treats in our house, and the Beggin' Strips!  Nice.  I threw them out, because I didn't want to kill my pets.  It was a shame too, because the cats and the dog just loved them.  So, now what's a quasi-domestic furmomma to do?  Much like Cheech And Chong, I just decided that it was best to roll my own.

 

 

I'm a budget shopper.  I refuse to pay full price for just about anything (my Bowers + Wilkins subwoofer excluded).  So, I put my mad coupon skillz to good use.
 

I had a 20% off coupon to Bed Bath and Beyond.  I took my happy ass in there when they were having a sale, and I bought a dehydrator.  I did some research, and the Nesco was the best value at the sub-$100 price point.  So the regular price for the Nesco dehydrator was $59.99.  I then whipped out my 20% off coupon ... BAZINGA! I was out the door with tax and everything for less than $55.00.  And of course, I had to stop and get some meat to try it out.  My first try included some chicken breast and some stew beef.  I chopped them into thin strips, laid them out, turned on the dehydrator, and waited for the magic to happen.

And oh.  Did the magic EVER happen. 

Now, when I'm running low on treats, I stop down at Mosley's and get a pound of stew beef for about $5.  I get home, trim the fat and cut it into 1/2" pieces, and let the dehydrator do it's work for about 6-8 hours.  I then have bagfuls of treats for about $6, including the electricity it took to run the appliance. 

Not to mention ... I like to dehydrate bananas for the dog.  And the kids.  It's a quick (and cheap) treat for them.

If you have pets, and want to keep them healthy, I can't express how easy and quick it is to make your own treats.  No sodium.  No additives.  No chemicals from China that are going to kill them.  Just delicious treats, made with love by the momma.

i can just hear my ass growing. soon it will need its own zip code.

For those that don't know, my husband is referred to in my house as "Sad Panda" or just "Panda".  When he is crabby, it's "Pissy Panda".  And when I'm mad at him, it's "Dammit Panda."  Just wanted everyone to understand that I'm not talking about an overly large and lazy bear that eats bamboo and won't get busy with the hot lady bears.  I'm talking about my awesome husband.  He is not lazy, overly large, bamboo-eating, or not-busy-getting.  TMI?  Sorry about that.

Anyhow, Panda's grandfather liked to buy all sorts of crazy shit.  A grill that operated on nuclear power (OK not really, but it did require two propane tanks ...), one of those stupid Ronco rotisseries (SET IT! AND FORGET IT!), and several chain saws.  But the one thing he bought that I was very "meh" about was this Rotofryer thing.

It's made by DeLonghi.  It has a wire basket that you put down in the hot oil, and a mechanism inside the heating element makes it spin while cooking.  At first, I was all "we don't need a fryer."  Then I was all "WTF, it spins?"  And finally I was all "DUDE WE CAN FRY THAT SHIT!  WATCH THIS!"  I swear, I'm not a redneck, but the primal need to dunk things in the simmering vegetable oil is so hard to overcome. 

It's very easy to clean, too. It's got a little tube thing that comes out from under the handle (the vertical thing in the photo), and it drains into a filtering oil container.  Seriously, it rocks my socks.  I can OCD-clean the oil and wipe it out every single time I use it!  Win.

If you are a family that fries things, I highly recommend this little beauty. 

i scream, you scream, and then i'll smack you with a stock pot for making that unholy racket.

Do you have a Big Lots near you?  We have one just a few blocks away, and let me tell ya ... there is some crazy shit in that place.  I found clothing that was clearly not meant for human consumption, odd sorts of snack foods, and aisles of uber-tacky home furnishings.

However, nestled amongst the insanity was this little gem, for the bargain price of $24.99:

Yep, that's a Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker!  Squee!  Of course, I snapped it right up.

Since then, I've been freezing everything that isn't nailed down.  However, the Vanilla Bean Supreme has been everyone's favorite.

I used this recipe from About.com, mainly because the Food Network site pissed me off.  Every time I tried to open it on my iPad, it crashed the browser.  Screw that.  I was perfectly pleased with what I used. 

As a side note, the author of the About.com recipe? Diana Rattray.  Which made me all "oooh, like the bad people that were dealing V and were going to drain Bill on True Blood before Sookie intervened.  That's a sign.  Self, you should make this one."

At any rate, here's the recipe.  My family gave it a total of five vanilla beans out of five.

Vanilla Bean Supreme Ice Cream

Ingredients:

• 7 large egg yolks
• 3/4 cup sugar
• dash salt
• 1 vanilla bean
• 2 cups half and half
• 1 1/2 cups heavy cream

Preparation:

Whisk egg yolks with sugar and salt in large bowl; set aside. Split vanilla bean lengthwise and scrape out seeds (note: it works really well if you act like you're curling Christmakwanzzakah ribbon). Combine beans, seeds, half and half and heavy cream in a large saucepan. Bring just to a simmer.

 

Gradually whisk hot cream into the egg yolk mixture. Return the mixture to the saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon (do not let it boil - (this is 170 degrees Fahrenheit if you're all about the science like me). Strain through sieve into large bowl. Refrigerate until thoroughly chilled. Freeze in ice cream maker according to manufacturer's directions.