look at my weiner!

One of the things that I really enjoy is a good weiner.  I love it firm and wet and all decorated and ...

MMMM CHILI.

Get your mind out of the gutter, you dirty bird.

Last night for dinner, we made chili dogs.  Now, this isn't extraordinary ... it's not like it's hard or anything.  But there are so many families out there that eat them, and here's a few tips for delicious tube steak.

First and foremost, don't waste your time with the swill in the deli aisles.  The "skinless" crap?  Gross.  All that a skinless weiner includes is a bunch of crap ground into a slurry, pumped into a plastic sleeve, and steamed.  There's no real flavor.  And quite frankly, that's why they're cheap.


Clearly, I'm not a professional photographer.
Fuck you.

Find yourself a good butcher, preferably a local guy that sources close to home ... no cryovac frozen crap.  Here in the metro Columbus area, there are a few good butchers ... Carfagna's for Italian meats, gift baskets, and deli items / salads; Thurn's for smoked meats; and my personal favorite ... Mosley's Meat Market in Hilliard for fresh locally-sourced meats that are raised (and slaughtered) humanely.  Lucky for me, Mosley's is about four blocks from my house ... I can just stop in there on my way home and see what looks tasty that day. 

Anyhow, a good butcher will have some natural casing weiners amongst their offerings.  These are what you see hanging in the old-time (cartoon) butcher shops ... links that are connected with some sort of string.  The best ones (and the ones that Mosley's has) are delicious beef cuts, blended with seasonings, and crammed into sheep intestine.  Sounds nasty, but oh.  They're so worth it when you get them hot and slightly damp in your buns, and then SNAP when you put them in your mouth.  Also, they cost me $4.99 a pound, versus the $1 special "mystery meat" crap you get at WalMart. 

This made my husband whimper
and hold his crotch in terror.

The other trick is to do the two-step cooking process.  First step ... cook them in water that's got a little something special in it.  Everything's better with beer.  Put about a 3 part water / 1 part beer ratio of liquid in a pot, and bring it to a boil.  Any beer will do, but I usually cook with good old American Swill (aka Budweiser).  I also add a little ground pepper, because why not.

Once the water / beer mixture (AKA "Bud Light") starts boiling, drop the weiners in.  Don't molest the weiners!  Let them roll around in the water a bit.  Only poke the weiner if they are sitting in one place too long.  As they cook, you'll see them plump up a bit and fill out the casing.  Take care not to let them get overdone, as the casing will split and then you'll cry. 

Once they're done, grab a frying pan, the appropriate lid, and a bit of water.  Turn the burner on high, and get the pan hot enough where a few drops of water dance on the surface.  Put the weiners on the pan, and put about a teaspoon of water in with them.  Quickly put the lid on to keep the steam in, and roll them around a bit.  This will "scorch" the skin a bit, and make it extra snappy.

Whatever you like on your weiner, I promise you that putting a little bit of extra effort into the selection and cooking of it will pay off.  Besides, who doesn't like their weiner to be extra special?